This Floating Excrement Was Far Too Meaningful! It's the Television Disappointments of the Year.

Looking back, we reflect on the TV offerings of the past year, a selection of shows emerge not for their brilliance, but for their spectacular shortcomings. Ranging from awkward spin-offs to bafflingly bad docuseries, here are the programmes that left us utterly bewildered or just reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

How to start with this love/hate spin-off? Burdened with woeful scripts, cringe-inducing arcs (we demand better for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the show fought to justify its existence. Briefly, as the third season started, it seemed as if it had finally hit its stride. Then arrived an installment all about Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the creator announced this would be the final season. It ended on a low point; the closeup of Miranda’s loo full of poo was simply too symbolic. Still, fans undeniably found joy dissecting every single “what on earth?” moment. And as Carrie – once again single – danced around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t release a little sob?

All’s Fair

‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? Of course she can’t.’

But that was almost the smallest of this drama's problems. The subject of a very rare no-star review, it was difficult to know where to start listing the problems. The laughably leaden dialogue? The mind-numbing glorification of wealth and consumption? The almost wilful parade of cliches? Performances so poor they felt borderline spiteful? Suffice it to say “each and every one” and never speak of this series again. Except, a second season has been commissioned, so we’re probably going to have to.

AKA Charlie Sheen

Considering the restraining orders, domestic violence allegations and parental shortcomings, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not you’d really have gleaned it from this three-part documentary which smirked its way at Sheen’s various bouts of reckless hedonism while struggling to tell us anything we didn’t already know. Instead, it felt as if this loose cannon was being pandered to, so any sympathy this series might induce should be reserved for the people who have had to endure proximity with this charming but dismissive egotist.

The Iris Affair

Of course we knew it was ridiculous from the outset: a drama about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or annihilate all of humanity. We persevered out of pure admiration for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One barely cared when his character died, and the other ultimately hacking Charlie with an axe … in super slow-motion. Talk about admitting defeat.

The Gangster Drama

Dodgy characters meeting in deserted boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its crime drama back.

Actually, that is harsh on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many look a little dated now, but at least they didn’t endure the ignominy of having to indulge unconvincing accents. But there were plenty of other issues. Mainly that it was just really dull; a dispute over narcotics territory between various London picaresques which seemed rather simplistic.

With Love, Meghan

Considering the extent to which she grinds the gears of certain performatively angry commentators, it’s temptingly easy to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s various forays into quaint homemaking as intentional statements. But then you view them and are forced to concede that in this case, they may have a point. It’s like watching a homeware magazine animated; a meme for wine o’clock with ideas of grandeur; a parade of sleeping dogs, humming beehives, sentimental platitudes and forgettable crafting “hacks” you’ll not remember instantly. All supported by immense, mostly unearned wealth. Ugh.

The Beckham Documentary

There are clearly fascinating things to be discussed about both Victoria Beckham and her journey with vocation, self-image, self-worth. But for some reason, this documentary series opted not to explore them. Rather, the viewing was akin to reading a marketing brochure. She obviously has good reason to resent what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But unfortunately, she didn’t do herself any favours with this guarded non-event of a series.

The Inheritance

It had the potential to be the next big hit – except even camper, with a glamorous star as a deceased benefactor and a well-known personality overseeing her estate. What more could you ask for? As players battled it out, there was plenty of betrayal and squabbling. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s even now too complicated to detail what precisely was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw glimpses of the star via prerecorded videos. The series ended up smelling of a production that was trying way too hard to emulate something way beyond it.

Too Much

How do you succeed a show that defined a generation? The pressure was enormous for this starry romcom about Jessica, a hopeful New Yorker who lands in London with a shattered romance. The lead actress seized the opportunity by the horns and was a delight to watch, embodying Austen levels of romantic ideals. But it was all very glossy and, paradoxically, was not enough. Plus, the abundance of celebrity cameos involved felt icky.

Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping

Not good enough to be ‘patchy’.

Given the shrewd inclusion of talented emerging comics, hopes were high. But sadly, most of it didn’t land. A recurring sketch was a single joke stretched to a husk but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a familiar irate mode. The writing room sketches, in contrast, simply provoked the idea that they should probably have stayed in there a while longer.

The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox

This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely showcased the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there undoubtedly is an interesting drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this was not it. The subject matter needed to be handled sensitively. Instead, the series struggled painfully to find the right tone, lurching from strangely jaunty, slightly mannered farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Twisted? Perhaps. A total mess? Absolutely.

The Maths Genius Thriller

We love the star … but did we buy him playing the greatest maths genius in history, a man so smart he’s on the verge of a breakthrough that could destabilise society? No! This globe-trotting thriller about secret services targeting – and eliminating – academics honestly got more farcical by the second. Silliness-by-numbers.

1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story

This hagiography followed the content creator renowned for explicit exploits as she prepared for her most extreme challenge yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we wanted was far greater examination of her true psyche, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have interviewed the now-famous mum who showed up to haul her son away from the queue. What we got was horrific shots and absolutely no interrogation of her notoriety whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the documentary-maker has a teenage daughter too.